#yes I'm emotionally stable right now thanks for asking

[themildlyanxiousmage]

The description of Zevlor's gloves claims they smell like a hint of sulphur, so occasionally I'll smell my black salt seasoning to help remind my senses and improve my cottage fantasy daydreams.

I'd like to think he smells like a delicious tofu scramble on a weekend morning

[emometalhead]

are you doing okay emotionally?

No ♡

[niobiumao3]

Okay so, I wrote the second thing from this post.

Also available in AO3 format.

~*~

It's not that Tech doesn't want to interact with anyone, it's that he's exhausted.

Being reunited with his siblings and finding all of them more or less in one piece (physically if not emotionally) is the only thing he's needed for some time. Now in possession of that, he's ready to sleep for at least ten rotations. Possibly longer. The quality of the surface is negotiable, so long as it's stable. He should eat, though, having not been able to very often since falling from the rail car. Or, so they all convince him. Afterwards he can sleep to his heart's content (and plans to).

Throughout dinner he's quiet, keeps himself present enough to respond if he hears his name or senses the conversation has paused in expectation of a comment. This alone is a struggle, uses up the last of his reserves. Once everyone is clearing off the table and leaving to sleep or otherwise he's ready to crawl into a cramped, uncomfortable rack on the Marauder and pass out.

He does help with cleanup, though, bringing in trays, putting away food. At some point a cup of water appears next to him and he drinks it, continues the chores on a sort of autopilot until Phee settles her hip on the counter and folds her arms.

"You look like you could use some sleep. Maybe, a month or so."

"That will be the minimum I expect," Tech admits. He finishes the water, sets the cup into the sink. A second later he realizes she must have been the one to put it next to him. "Thank you. For the water."

"You're welcome," she says, smiling, warm and tired. There's a strain in her expression he doesn't remember seeing before, isn't sure how to ask about. So he turns to survey the kitchen--hers, sparse and simple since she's on the island so infrequently. There's a bowl of items on the table: a large shell, a feather, a colorful rock, a piece of...

... damaged, tinted transparisteel in a scratched, circular frame...

Tech drifts towards the table, vaguely aware Phee is watching him. She must see what he's noticed, because she says, "Yeah. I...didn't want to get rid of them."

He reaches for the goggles with caution, like they might bite. Here they are, destroyed as he'd expected them to be, left lens smashed, right lens cracked. Dust from the mountainside still coats the band. It's impossible for her to have these. Unless she'd done the unthinkable and gone to Eriadu to look for him?

"Where did you find them," he asks, turning them over in his hands. Somehow the camera housing is still intact. Had they checked it for footage?

"I didn't," she admits, then sighs. "Believe me, I wanted to go to Eriadu, but Shep and Hunter wouldn't let me. Wrecker had them."

Rightfully so, he thinks but doesn't say, because Phee not endangering herself on his behalf is slightly less important than the source of the ugly new dread coalescing in his mind. "Wrecker had these."

"Yeah. They came back with them and--"

Something in her voice has changed. Something he should address. Except there's no time, so he interrupts her. "And where did they get them?"

She blinks, taken aback. "I'm...not sure. They didn't say."

Tech grips them tightly, makes for the door. "We need to talk to them, right now. And Shep."

She follows close on his heels. "Right now?"

"Yes. Immediately."

Her demeanor shifts from uncertain worry to simple determination. "I'll go get Shep."

He registers this vaguely, mind working at a furious pace. Had they really gone back for him? They hadn't said so. But then how had they found the goggles? Chanced across them in a wrecking yard? That seemed unlikely. Bought them off a scavenger?

The Marauder's ramp is still down, the lights on. Omega sits in the entrance, toying with a tablet while their brothers mill around the external storage compartment. This suggests they're trying to sort out sleeping arrangements by putting whatever they can into the compartments. Shep had offered one of the little houses now that lower Pabu was repaired, but Hunter had demured. It's just as well; Tech suspects Crosshair and Omega won't be able to sleep anywhere but on the ship for some time, can't blame them either. It's fortunate either way, as it means they're all still awake.

Omega sees Tech on first, greets him with a tired smile and a wave. Noticing her movement, Wrecker turns, guffaws at Tech. "What, not gonna stay with Phee?"

Tech stops in front of them. It's on the tip of his tongue to ask, "Why would I do that?" but he doesn't have time. None of them do. Just like like when he was dangling from the rail car.

He holds up his broken goggles, which saps the general mood of relaxation from all of them in a moment: Crosshair stares, expression souring; Omega swallows, looks away; Hunter, Echo, and Wrecker all become somber. He'd be sorry if the circumstances were anything but what they are.

"How did you get these?" he asks, searching their faces.

Wrecker grimaces. "Hemlock. He was trying to use them to mess with us." He rubs the back of his neck, murmurs, "Worked pretty well."

The dread hovering in Tech's crystallizes, takes shape. He starts tearing apart the recording device.

Omega slowly stands, walks down the ramp. Hunter watches Tech yank off piece after piece of the device with growing concern. "Tech, what are you--"

"Hemlock," Tech says, interrupting him. He glances up, looks from Wrecker to Hunter for confirmation. "He gave you these."

Echo says, "Yeah." A second later he closes his eyes. "...shit."

"What," Crosshair says, voice gone hard. Omega moves to him, takes one of his hands. Tech hears people approaching; Phee and Shep, he suspects.

He finds it a second later, precisely where he'd expected it to be. It's smaller than the older models he's familiar with, though that's hardly a surprise. Hemlock would have access to the latest equipment.

Tech yanks out the tracking chip, holds it up, throws it to the ground and smashes it under the heel of his boot.

"Fuck," Crosshair says on a sigh.

Phee comes to stand next to Tech, eyes on the fragmented remains. "Tell me that's not what I think it is."

He wishes he could. "It is."

Hesitantly, Shep asks, "What is it?"

"A tracking device," Hunter says. Resignation and defeat darken his features, reminding Tech of leaving Kamino without Crosshair. (That's not happening. Not this time. Not ever again.)

No reactions from the rest of them, not even Shep, just stunned silence. Tech can't stand how no one is moving or speaking, so starts to. "We must evacuate everyone. Immediately."

Phee runs a hand over her face. "Brown Eyes how are we evacuating several hundred people on a moment's notice?" There's a note in her voice he's not heard before: fear, brittle and sharp. It makes him want to...

He's not sure. Do something to fix it, at a minimum. "We'll find a way. We always do."

Echo heads for the ramp. "Well for starters I'll contact Rex. He'll at least have a couple of ships we can load people onto."

"You're sure," Shep says. Tech turns: the despondency in Shep's features is painful to see.

"Yes. That was a low power tracker, but the chances they've not picked up the signal by now are minimal. We must assume they're on their way."

Phee exhales sharply. Just like that, her fear becomes resolve. "Alright. Let's get everyone ready to go. No packing, we just leave." She turns to Shep. "If it doesn't fit in their pockets it has to stay."

Shep sighs, nods. He and Phee take separate exits from the courtyard to round up the various leaders of the refugees for help in spreading the word.

Hunter stares down at the remains of the chip, unmoving. The others watch him with growing worry.

Omega's voice is quiet in the darkening courtyard. "Hunter?"

"What have we done," is all he says.

A sound from within the Marauder catches Tech's attention. One he'd know asleep or half dead, drilled into him via hours of simulator time and countless battles: enemy ships on approach.

Echo leans out of the ship. "They're here."

[dailykafka]

I would be very interested in hearing your thoughts on Hermann Kafka. I've noticed a notion of people excusing him or brushing over his shitty job at parenting. Brod, in one interview, basically said that Hermann loved Kafka and Franz just took everything personally. Right now I'm reading S. Friedländer's book on Kafka, and he too has this habbit of defending Hermann. That it was all with good intention and such irritations are unavoidable in father-son relationship. I'm aware that Kafka's letter to his father must be taken with a grain of salt. However, it doesn't change the fact it was coming from the truth.

In short, I would love to hear whatever you have to say about Kafka's father. From whatever perspective or POV.

Thank you for your answer.

Thank you for this ask! I could write a very long answer for this but i'll try to be brief. For a moment let's imagine we are not talking about these two but just "a father" and "a child". Throughout his diaries and then in his letter to his father, "a child" is very vocal (not just in his personal writings) about the distress that his father causes him. Whatever the situation is, no child ever wants to talk this way about their parent, no child accuses their parent of bad parenting if there are no grounds for that.

As you said, many have noted that Hermann wasn't really that abusive and that Franz was just emotional (how cold and dismissive that sounds is apparent in our time when parent-child relationships have (more or less) softened). But I think that when a child is so vocal about their parent's behavior, then that parent should reflect on their actions and try to meet the child's emotional needs (that is literally one of the most important jobs of a parent) and when one does not do so, for whatever reason, then it's clear that they are not a good parent.

Franz was a very sensitive person while his father was more cold and stiff. But that does not mean the conflict between them was unavoidable. Yes, sometimes Franz was a bit unreasonable, a bit more upset at his father's actions than other people might have been but so what? A parent should still be kind to his child (enough for him not to have nightmares of you beating him, eating him, leaving him alone in the cold, etc) and that parent should understand how to interact with a more sensitive child. Also Franz wasn't the only 'problem child', his sister also didn't have good relationship with Hermann (if I remember correctly it was even more severe with her than with Franz).

I think the reason why some people say that Hermann wasn't that abusive is because Franz lived more or less easy life - he lived with his parents, had stable job and had time for his writing. But that is material support and not emotional, which is just as important for a child. Hermann did give Franz roof over his head and the luxury of good life but he rarely encouraged him or told him that he was proud of Franz. Hermann neglected Franz (and his sisters) emotionally and when a child is so sensitive of course he internalizes it more intensely.

Overall, I think Hermann was a difficult man and Franz was difficult in his own way but Hermann was the parent and it was his job to manage their relationship in a way that wouldn't scar his child for life.

[lifetimeshipper]

No End In Sight

Chapter 11

~~~~~~~~~~

"What happened?" Fowler asked as Ratchet set Optimus on a med berth and got to work on his injuries, never minding his own.

"We were attacked by Arcee," Bulkhead replied as he helped Bumblebee over to another berth.

"She's still under Megatron's control?"

"She was, but we managed to destroy the chip. But the Decepticons came and took her before we could get her," Ratchet explained quickly as he tried to stop the Energon flow coming out of Optimus' neck and chest. "I need your help, Bulkhead!"

Bulkhead looked at him in shock, "Are you s--?"

"OPTIMUS' LIFE IS HANGING IN THE BALANCE RIGHT NOW AND THERE'S NO ONE ELSE TO HELP, SO GET OVER HERE!!" Ratchet yells, interrupting him.

Bulkhead ran over to help, "What can I do?"

"Put pressure on the wounds!"

Bulkhead adds pressure as Ratchet goes to get some Energon and sets up the Energon machine, he then hooks up the machine to Optimus, along with an IV. He transforms his servo into his welder and starts welding together the wound on his chest since it's the most critical. By now, Optimus had passed out from pain and Energon loss. The others looked on as Ratchet frantically tried to save Optimus.

After over an hour of pinching circuits and welding metal, Ratchet finishes fixing up Optimus and Bumblebee and is now finishing up fixing himself, with Bulkhead's help, as he leans against a wall feeling exhausted. Optimus is still unconscious and Bumblebee has slipped into recharge, Ratchet was ready to slip into recharge as well but he had to finish up.

Fowler and the kids looked at the bots as they recovered from their encounter, they wished they could help but they knew nothing about Cybertronian medicine or their bodies. "Is Optimus gonna make it?" Fowler asked as he looked at Prime on the medical berth hooked up to machines.

"He's stable but it's uncertain right now, we'll have to see after we all got some rest."

"What do you think they'll do to Arcee now that the chip is destroyed?" Jack asked with worry.

"Not sure, no doubt Megatron will put her under his control again," Ratchet replied.

"Is there another way?" Miko asked.

"They could have another chip or they could use another way, there are a few ways to control a bot's processor," Ratchet explained as he welded up the last bit of his armor.

As soon as he finishes the alarm goes off alerting them of 'Con activity, "Guess I'll be taking care of this on my own," Bulkhead said as he walked over to the controls to open the Ground Bridge.

"I don't think that's wise," Ratchet protests.

"I'm the only one who can," Bulkhead says just as more alarms go off to inform them of more 'Con activity. "They're busy today."

"Of course, because they know we're in no shape to stop them. What are they after?"

"Energon crystals it seems."

Ratchet lets out a deep sigh, "We'll have to let them have it this time..."

Bulkhead just sighed as he headed to his room, he knew arguing with Ratchet was pointless and he was exhausted. Fowler and the kids just watched the bots with worry, the fight with Arcee paid a heavy toll on them, both physically and emotionally.

~~~~~~~~~~

:: Lord Megatron. :: One of the Vehicons speaks over the comlink.

"Do you have the Energon?"

:: Yes, and no sign of the Autobots. ::

"No show up at all?"

:: No, my lord. ::

Megatron let out a dark chuckle, "Excellent. Get the Energon back here asap."

:: Yes, sir. :: The Vehicon said before the comm closed.

Once the comm ended, Megatron let out a dark, hearty laugh, "Arcee has rendered the Autobots useless, they can't even fight right now. Thanks to her things are starting to go our way." Megatron turned around to face his crew, "Knock Out, go see to Arcee and make sure she has no serious injuries, and make sure she has plenty of Energon. She has proven to be an excellent weapon against Prime and his team and I don't want to lose her."

"Yes, my liege," Knock Out said with a bow before leaving.

"But, my lord, how will you control her with no chip?" Airachnid stepped forward and asked.

"There are other ways and I'm sure I will find a way that will give me full control, without any mishaps."

"Not to question your judgment, sir, but I think I would suit better than that worthless --"

Megatron interrupted her with a growl, "You and the rest of the Decepticons have been proving to be no match for the Autobots, none of you have been able to take them down! But Arcee has beaten them down and rendered them useless and helpless! So don't second guess my judgment again, Airachnid!"

Airachnid flinched back, "S-sorry, my lord."

"With all due respect, Lord Megatron, I have extinguished the Autobot Cliffjumper," Starscream pipes up, bragging as always.

"Yes... How could I forget?" Megatron says sarcastically as he rolls his optics, "But have you been able to do any damage to the Autobots since? Better yet, to Optimus Prime?"

"Well, I was about to kill him off that one time before you...." Starscream started but then trailed off as he realized his situation.

Megatron glared at him, "Please continue, Starscream. Before I what?"

"Uhh... Nothing, you're right like always, my lord. Arcee has been an excellent weapon against the Autobots and we must be sure to keep her well," Starscream responded as he shrunk before the warlord. Megatron just scoffed as he turned around towards the monitors again.

~~~~~~~~~~

Arcee sat in the brig still going over what Megatron had told her. What makes her so special? Why wasn't it one of the others? She wouldn't wish this on any of her teammates but she couldn't help but wonder why they chose to take her captive and not one of the others. She started thinking about her teammates and she wondered how they were fairing. She wondered how badly she had injured them. 

She couldn't remember much of the fight just that Optimus, Ratchet, and Bumblebee were injured pretty badly, Optimus especially, and by her own blades. She feels just horrible for what she did but she knows she wasn't acting on her own accord, and her team knows it too. How badly injured are they? Are any of the injuries fatal? Questions just keep running through her processor and it's starting to irritate her, mostly because she can't find out the answers as long as she's locked up. All she can do is pray that her friends are okay and aren't injured too badly.

Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard the cell door open and she looked and saw Knock Out standing in front of her with medic supplies and Energon in his servos. Arcee looked at the Energon with hungry optics as she hadn't had any in a good while and was needing some, but at the same time, she was weary. She doesn't trust the Decepticon medic or any of the 'Cons, the Energon could be poisoned for all she knows. She vows never to take any Energon from them, not only because she's wary of it but because she doesn't want to give in to them, to not show she's weak and needs their help. She just watches the medic as he approaches her, "Hello, Arcee. How are you feeling?" Knock Out asks as he squats down right in front of her.

Arcee glares at him, "Why do you care, 'Con?"

"I'm the medic, I'm supposed to care," Knock Out responds trying to sound sincere, but Arcee wasn't buying it and she just hardened her glare. Knock Out rolled his optics, "Lord Megatron wanted me to see to you and make sure you are fine. Which you are by the way," Knock Out confesses, saying the last part with a smirk as he looks over her frame.

"Watch it, Knock Out, or I'll mess up that finish of yours," Arcee threatened.

Knock Out laughed at that, "How? You're chained up!"

"I'm sure I'll find a way."

Knock Out just laughed some more, "St-stop it! I-I can't t-take anymore!" Knock Out says as he continues laughing. Once he stops he wipes some lubricant from his optic, "You're funny. Were you the comedian of your team?"

Arcee just glares at him and growls. Knock Out moves closer to her and she tries to pull back but to no avail, "Stay away from me!" She growls at him.

"You know, I liked you better when you were under Megatron's control. Well, he'll have you under his control again soon."

Arcee tried to hold her glare but it started to falter as fear started taking over at hearing what he said, "He won't, I won't let him!"

Knock Out just laughs again as he runs a digit down the side of her faceplate, "There's nothing you can do."

Arcee pushed his servo away and scowled, she wouldn't admit it but she knew he was right and it scared her a bit. She really needs to find a way to escape. Knock Out just chuckled as he scanned her, "Nothing serious, just some scratches and small dents, easy fix."

"You're not touching me!" Arcee spat out venomously.

Knock Out just sighed and shook his helm as he placed some Energon in front of her face, "Drink. Lord Megatron wants you fit and healthy."

Arcee grabs the Energon cube, but instead of drinking it, she throws it at Knock Out making it shatter and leaving small scratches over one side of his chest and his shoulder and Energon dripping off his frame. Arcee smirked, "Told you I'd find a way."

Knock Out started fuming, "HOW DARE YOU!!?? YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT!!" He said as he got out his electric rod and got ready to strike. Arcee's smirk went away as a twinge of fear hit her for a moment but then left, she just closed her optics and prepared herself for the shock... But nothing happened. She opens her optics to see the rod an inch from her frame and a tentacle wrapped around the medic's arm.

"That's not wise," Soundwave says as he pulls the medic back.

Knock Out growled and put away his rod, "I shall inform Megatron of your disobedience!" He says to Arcee before leaving the cell.

Once Knock Out was gone, Soundwave turned to Arcee, "You shouldn't have done that."

"Why? If I don't want any Energon I'm not gonna drink it and it served him right!" Arcee snapped back, "I don't want any Energon from you 'Cons." She tried to sound harsh like she was with Knock Out but for some reason, she couldn't and her tone came out softer than she wanted, but there was still some bite in it.

"Why refuse and fight when Megatron's just gonna force you to drink it?"

Arcee just scoffed as she turned away from him and Soundwave watched her. Good thing she can't remember anything from when she was under Megatron's control because it means she can't remember me telling her my feelings. Which is both good and bad in a way, but since she can't remember this situation is less awkward. Soundwave said to himself as he continued to look at Arcee, it pains him to think that she doesn't remember but at the same time is relieved. 

It's also paining him to think of what Megatron will do to her after Knock Out tells him about what just happened, he's gonna beat her until she submits. It hurts his spark to think about but there's nothing he can do, she's doing it to herself. "You're only making it harder on yourself... You're not affecting us in any way, only hurting yourself."

At that, Arcee looked back up to him and he looked into her optics, the same blue and lavender color optics that mesmerized him the first time he saw them. He looked into them and felt relief and happiness that she had them back instead of the colorless and soulless optics she had before. Arcee scoffed again which brought Soundwave out of his trance, "Why do you care what happens to me?"

Soundwave just stayed silent, he's not gonna reveal his feelings again until the right time.

~~~~~~~~~~

Megatron was still on the bridge looking at the monitors, watching out for the Vehicons getting the Energon so he could get them back to the ship when they were done retrieving it when Knock Out walked in. "Knock Out, how is Arcee doing?"

Knock Out growled, "She has no serious injuries, just some scratches and dents which I can fix. But she's refusing medical care and she refused the Energon I was giving her! She threw it at me and wasted it all over me as well as scratched my paint!"

Megatron turned around to look at him with rage in his optics, "She what!!??"

"You heard right, she refused medical help and the Energon!" Knock Out repeated as he looked at the scratches in his paint job with disgust.

Megatron let out an enraged growl as he walked past Knock Out to head off the bridge, "She's trying to be disobedient I see, well I'll show her!" He says as he walks off the bridge and heads to Arcee's cell.

~~~~~~~~~~

After a moment of watching Arcee, Soundwave turns to leave the cell. He walks out and closes the door behind him then heads up the corridor, he comes across Megatron heading towards the cell. Soundwave watched him as he passed then went to walk behind him, he knew this was gonna be bad.

Arcee sees the two mechs walk into the cell and she feels a chill run over her body as fear engulfs her when her optics lay upon an enraged Megatron. The warlord walks over to her, kicks her in the chest, then bends down and punches her before grabbing her by the throat and lifting her up. He jerked her towards him with her body coming forward and her arms stretching out behind her, the chains rubbed against her servos as her wrist and arms started hurting, feeling like they were about to be ripped out of place. But she bared the pain as she looked into Megatron's red optics with fear in her own, 

"What's the meaning of this disobedience!? You dare refuse the offer of help I provide!? You will take the medical treatment and you will drink the Energon we give you even if I have to force it down your throat!!" He slams her into the wall, releases her throat, and lets her slide down to the ground before slamming his foot against her frame pinning her to the wall. "I will beat you to scrap every time you refuse and I will force you to take the Energon whether you like it or not! Keep in mind just because I see you as a valuable weapon and I don't want to lose you doesn't mean I won't kill you if you push me too far, because I will still kill you if you push it!!" He shouts as he looks down at her and adds pressure onto her frame making it hard for her to function. 

She felt like her body was gonna burst, as though her spark was gonna pop out of her chest with as much pressure that was being applied to her body. Errors and system failure warnings started popping up as she tried to keep her body functioning and tried to stay awake. Megatron stomped on her, moving her body down to a laying position on the floor as he kept his foot on her body, "Do I make myself clear!?"

Arcee looked up at him as things started getting blurry and her vision started fading, her body was going into shut down. She opened her mouth to speak but couldn't get anything to come out, she couldn't get out any response to his question as her body started fading out and shutting down. Then darkness, nothing but darkness...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 1

Next Chapter

[iamamythologicalcreature]

TAG GAME

Thank you @prettygoododds and @aroace-genderfluid-sheep for tagging me. I'm so bad at doing these, so doing this one RIGHT NOW while it's RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.

Were you named after anyone?

Yes. Also no. Depends on the name.

Do you have any kids?

I have cats. I know that's not the same thing, but I just cleaned stuff off the floor, so sometimes it feels like it counts at least a little bit.

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

I have learned common phrases and tonalities in people I know, but the drier the sarcasm, the more unlikely it is I'll get it. It's not a native language.

What is the first thing you notice about people?

I guess "their vibe" would count for me, too. Though, now that I think about it, the first thing is probably whether or not there's something I can notice about them/their vibe at all. If they're subtle or rely on vibe-only-communication, I can't tell a damned thing. (I am terrible at appearances - I apparently register enough to recognize people, but I couldn't tell you what they looked like if you asked me.)

I'm often flying blind with people. >.> But I put a lot of effort into observation to try and compensate.

What’s your eye color?

The color of a plant, but not telling which one or which kind XD

Scary movie or happy ending?

Happy ending. HAPPY. ENDING. (Please!) If there isn't a happy ending, I need to know ahead of time so I don't get emotionally invested in the story's outcome. I'll also accept hopeful endings.

Any special talents?

I guess it depends on what you consider a special talent? I think most of my talents fall into the category of "skill" though.

What are your hobbies?

Writing, drawing, occasionally costuming, tabletop roleplaying, character analysis/design

Have any pets?

Have I mentioned the cats? *ahem* They're actually two foster cats, though they're both going on long-term.

What sports do you play/have you played?

I used to be a dancer, before that a swimmer, but never competitively. Does competitive singing count? I did that for awhile, from elementary school and into college. My body failed me when I turned into an adult, though, so my sports are now.... uh.... Rolling dice and beating up owlbears in a fantasy setting?

How tall are you?

Tall enough that I'm not statistically short, short enough that I find tall people at concerts annoying.

Favorite subject in school?

Going with high school - either art or swing choir. Art changed focus a lot but I did an independent study in 2D animation my senior year that was awesome.

Dream job?

Oh man. This has shifted a lot over time as my physical capabilities have changed. But in a "I'm totally fine and can do everything" world... Animator. Or a history detective. Or owner of a quaint little bookshop that somehow manages to stay financially stable.

No pressure tags: @artsyunderstudy @cutestkilla @ic3-que3n @theimpossibledemon @nightimedreamersworld @whatevertheweather @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @thewholelemon @imagineacoolusername @hushed-chorus @youarenevertooold

[jude-thedude98]

To My Future Husbands:

I am broken

I am brokenhearted

I am beaten

I have trust issues

I've been abandoned

I'm crying right now

I have crying spells

I empathize for the world

I have a big heart

I've been used

I've been taken advantage of

I've been mentally abused

I've been emotionally abused

I've been physically abused

I've been raped

I've been molested

I've been shunned in church

I've been spiritually abused

I've been financially abused

I've been let down

I've been misused

I've been misunderstood

There are often times I think about death

I've been mistreated

I feel like the current people who I live with are just using me for money

I may be homeless with my dog soon

I physically disabled incapable of bending and straightening my arms

I have crippling anxiety

I suffer from severe depression

I am bipolar so I deal with mood swings and manic energy

I also have hypotension which I feel drives my depression and anemia

I have anemia so I deal with severe fatigue

I have severe fatigue

I have unfathomable and unexplainable tension and pain all throughout my body due to juvenile to rheumatoid to osteoarthritis

I believe I'm wcizophrenic

I also believe I have Adult ADHD

I have focusing problems

Severely

I listen to sad music

I listen to love mueic

I have a hard time getting over stuff that hurts me

Yesterday is a painful word and song (ask why)

I drown myself in work so I can forget about life

I'm a writer

I'm an author

I'm a poet

I fear fear itself

I fear I will lose everyone in life

Once again pointing to abandonment issues

I have a fear of being fit into a box

Claustrophobia maybe

I've recently grown a fear of flying on a plane or maybe

Flying and being in the window seat

I'm painfully annoying

I call a lot

I'm clingy

I'm needy

I love hard

Often times too hard

My cousin told me that my fatal flaw is caring too much

She I call my twin cousin because we were born exactly a month apart

I don't talk to my family

I talk to my dog

Her name is Cocoa

And yes

She's a sweet as Hot Cocoa

Or Hot Chocolate

Whatever you wanna call it

I am non confrontational

I want everybody to win

I've been broken by many guys and a girl

I've been going through an identity crisis lately

I'm gay

I want a polycule relationship with multiple twink guys (ask me about it)

I try not to forget peoples birthdays or important things in their life

I am legally blind

Yes

A disease called Retinitis Pigmentosa

I'm scared of my own vouce

I'm scared of my own power

I'm scared of my own pain

I'm scared of all my ailments

I'm scared that they will cripple me more than they have

My voice has been called annoying

I took that to heart

So I've been dealing with finding my voic3

I want to be the focal point in our polycule relationship

For all the above reasons

I am driven

I am goal oriented

I am a dreamer

I am a lover

I believe in a better world

The person who raped me I loved

I've given myself sexually to too many men who did not want my heart only a hole to use

I am peaceful

I am profound

I am strong

Mentally

Emptionally

I am loyal

I am faithful

I believe in love

I believe in you

I believe if you made it this far then

YOU ROCK!

I thank you for that!

I want to crawl into a shell and either

Die

Hide

Run away

Or

Disappear

Everyone who I've fallen in love with previously

It pains me to admit

But

I still love them

But I know that I deserve love

So if you are one of those people who may fit the

Masculine

Twink

Fair skinned

Loyal

Respectful

Cute beyond all reqson

Younger than 34

Sensual

Empathetic

Sympathetic

Goal driven

Career oriented

Dreamer

Lover

Romantic

Spontaneous

Stable

Gorgeous

Conversationalist

Not all about sex

Identity confident

Gay

Beautiful

Trustworthy

Family oriented

Wants a family

Animal oriented

Wants animals

Silly

Humorous

Serious at the right times

Able to distract me positively

Positive

It'd be great if one of the seven of us has a car lol

It'd also be great if we can live together haha lol

No but for real

No debt

Smart

Intelligent (doesn't necessarily mean know big words and be book smart)

NO KNOW IT ALLS

No argumentatives

Tall

Preferably black, blonde, or brown hair

Preferably straight, wavy, or curly

Again wants kids

Slim to thin

Thin to fit

Fit to athletic

Athletic to toned

No body builders

No old heads

No young'ns

18 to 33 ONLY

Six fair skinned twinks

UK

USA

Canada

Latino

Wants an interracial family

Doesn't mind sharing

Someone who is caring

Genuine

Unconditional love

Not going to throw anything back in mine or any of our spouses faces

Doesn't look at me or us as an inconvenience

Believes me

Believes in me

Believes in yourself

Believes in us as a whole

Spiritual not religious

BIG DIFFERENCE

Nonpolitcal

Forgiving

Says I apologize

Instead of I'm sorry

Sends little love notes or texts or calls to remind each other of our unapologetic love

Athlete

Baseball player

Basketball player

Skateboarder

Swimmer

Diver

Gardener

Country boys

City boys

Self confident

Self loving

Loving

Self caring

Hygienic

Clean

Keeps a clean houee

Keeps a clean body

Shaven

Not too tall

Cut off at about 6'3"

MUST BE SLIM

Healthy eater

Not asking for all salad eaters

But

High blood pressure is in my family

Grandpa had a heart attack

No smokers

Social drinkers

No getting shit faced

I do like to have a good time

But

There's a big difference

Yet again

No recreational drugs

Believes in theirs, mine, our spouses, our kids, and others dreams

Doesn't talk shit about people

Wants to heal the world

If you made it to the end

And you fit the description of guy I am looking for

And you have read

And

Are acceptant NOT TOLERANT

Of my Rap Sheet

Then message me

Must be committed as well

Acceptant

Not tolerant

I cannot express loving and trustworthy enough

I want a polycule relationship

If you don't know what that is

Look it up

And then

Get back to me

Basically

I want multiple people in one and as one relationship

Where we share each other's love

Respect

Goals

Dreams

Aspirations

Oh! Must be motivational and inspirational

Also shares a house

Sex is with any partner of the entire family that you so choose

It could be one

None

Two

All

Whatever variation that you want

But

Sex IS NOT and WILL NOT BE the frontrunner of our spousal relationship

Sex is great

So is conversation

So is sharing stories

Sharing experiences

And making memories

New memories

Positive times and vibes

ONLY!

If you are a shark trying to take advantage of me or anybody else then

KEEP SCROLLING PADT MY NAME & THIS BLOG!

We ARE NOT FOR YOU!

Wanna know more yet?

Well, go ahead and message me if you fit the bill

And remember I said I have trust issues so it's gonna take a lot before we can meet or especially have sex

There is no rush if I am one of the ones for you then you can wait just like I have and can for you

Trust builds over time

Not in a night

I don't care if you cuss

Just no cussing at any one of your spouses

Me

Them

Or the kids

Or the pet kids

I don't do that honey

Please God please

Know how to cook

That helps too

Cause we do have to eat

And eating out is great

But so is a home-cooked meal

I will have a home Healthcare aid to take care of me until we either

Get you to become an RN,, CNA, or i believe it's called a PCS

Someone who is qualified in taking care of me

And no I just don't want you to take care of me in one way

Not just for business purposes

But take care of me in personal purposes too

If you are a nurse

Then

You're already ahead of the game

Please have a job

And or a career

Dreams and aspirations of your own

Goal oriented I cannot stretch enough

Peaceful

Profound

Non argumentative

Supportive in all ways

Not looking for a sugar daddy

I don't need your money

I want a life in and of love.

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

AHHAHAAH this is SO FUCKING FUNNY I'M TOTALLY NOT FUCKING CRYING AT HALF PAST 2 IN THE MORNING BECAUSE I REWATCHED THE FINAL FIFTEEN. @bat-plus-moth-equals-both IS WITH ME AND HE TRIED TO SLAM THE LAPTOP CLOSE SO MANY TIMES WHILE I TYPE THIS BUT THEY GAVE UP EVENTUALLY LMAO IDK WHY THEY WOULD TRY TO STOP ME FROM POSTING THIS I'M JUST GIVING EVERYONE AN UPDATE!

ALCOHOLICS YES WE'RE ALL BLOODY ALCOHOLICS I'M GOING TO BECOME AN ALCOHOLIC TO DEAL WITH THIS FUCKING SHIT WHERE'S VODKA GIVE ME VODKA

YES SLAY KING WHATEVER YOU WANT NEIL WE SUPPORT YOU AS A COMMUNITY

FUCK YEAH I'M CRYING TOO BABY I'M CRYING TOO

HE DID HUH DIDN'T NOTICE THAT THROUGH ALL THE FUCKING TEARS BUT YOU KNOW THAT'S ALL GOOD IT'S GUCCI BABY I'M NOT GOING THROUGH ANY STAGE OF GRIEF RIGHT NOW

THEY WERE WEREN'T THEY? AND NOW THEY'RE MORE DIVORCED THAN DIVORCED? ISN'T THAT HILARIOUS AND FUN? MY LITTLE PONY!

CROWLEY FUCKIN LOVES THAT CAR BABE! IT'S A GREAT TIME HERE HE LOVES IT SO MUCH HE LIVES IN THE CAR NOT BECAUSE HE'S FUCKING HOMELESS OR ANYTHING NAH NAH NAH THIS IS A COMEDY REMEMBER IT'S GOOOOOOOOD

BOUNDARIES ARE A SOCIAL CONSTRUCT AMIRITE OR AMIRITE

AHAHAH OMG I DIDN'T REALISE THIS WAS LITERALLY A JANE AUSTEN DANCE LIKE GO BABY AZIRAPHALE FUCKING MANIPULATE THE ENTIRE NEIGHBOURHOOD HYPNOTISE AND SLIGHTLY POSSESS THEM YOU ELDRITCH BASTARD SLAY YOU'RE SO ANGELIC

CROWLEY BABY THIS DO BE SO ROMANTIC THO I LOVE CROWLEY DO YOU ALL KNOW THAT I LOVE CROWLEY SO FUCKIN MUCH WHAT WAS THIS LINE ABOUT AGAIN

INEFFABLE EVERY DAY IS SCHOOL DAY EXCEPT I LEARNED NOTHING IN SCHOOL BUT ON THE INTERNET YEARS AGO I LEARNED THE TONGUE HAS OLFACTORY RECEPTORS AND CAN SMELL SO YOU KNOW THOSE FICS WITH SNAKE CROWLEY SMELLING WITH TONGUE GUESS WHAT BABY BABOOS WE CAN DO IT TOO!

NO FUCK YOU SHE HIT CROWLEY OKAY

YEAH AND IN THE BOOK HE SLAMS THE DOOR ON CROWLEY WHO WAS JUST ASKING SOFTLY IF THEY WOULD TALK SOON BECAUSE HE WAS SCARED OF BEING TORTURED WITH THE SPANISH INQUISITION METHODS BY HELL BUT NO AZIRAPHALE WAS LIKE JOLLY GOOD BYE AND SLAMMED THE DOOR. AND IT SAYS THAT CROWLEY STOOD THERE, SUDDENLY FEELING VERY ALONE. @neil-gaiman WAS THIS YOU OR TERRY, PLEASE? EITHER WAY I HAVEN'T DARED OPEN THE BOOK AGAIN BECAUSE I'LL CRY.

WAIT NO I MEAN EVERYTHING IS FINE DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE PAST TWO POINTS IT'S ALL GOOD HERE GOOD OMENS FANDOM IT'S ALL GOOD CROWLEY YES OBSESS OVER AZIRAPHALE HONESTLY AZI IS A BITCHY BASTARD AND AN ABSOLUTELY STUNNING CHARACTER AND SWEETIE PEAK BABYGIRL ENERGY

EVERYDAY IT'S A GETTIN' CLOSER GOING FASTER THAN A ROLLERCOASTER A LOVE LIKE TH--

BECAUSE CROWLEY IS A POLITE LIL SMOL SHITBAG AND I ADORE HIM

WE'RE ALL DYING LITERALLY BABY THIS IS A ROLLERCOASTER TO HELL AND IT'S PICKING UP PACE EACH MOMENT AND YES AZI IS SO IN LOVE WITH CROWLEY IT'S SICKENINGLY BEAUTIFUL AND WE'RE ALL CHILDREN OF DIVORCE (I'M ADOPTED)

DISCO TONY DISCO TONY DISCO TONY

OH GOD I'M SO SORRY TERRY PRATCHETT WE ALL LOVE YOU THANK YOU FOR CREATING THIS STORY WITH NEIL WE'RE ALL DOING SO WELL WE'RE COPING I MEAN NOT COPING THERE'S NOTHING TO COPE WITH WE'RE ALL EMOTIONALLY STABLE INNIT

YES HE IS IMPORTANT AND WE'RE ALL GOING TO REMEMBER HIM. FULL STOP.

I MEAN YES SURE BABE THAT'S THE IMPORTANT PART CROWLEY LIKES SPEEDING WHAT DO YOU MEAN FINAL FIFTEEN ALL I SAW WAS CROWLEY DRIVING THIS IS A SHOW ABOUT THE BENTLEY NOW I SAW NOTHING ELSE AND THE CAR DEFINITELY DID NOT PLAY ANYTHING REGARDING NIGHTINGALES

SEE GUYS I KNOW A LOT OF YOU KEEP CHECKING IN ON ME BECAUSE YOU THINK I'M NOT COPING NO NO LISTEN SEE I'M COPING SO WELL OR I WOULD BE IF THERE WAS SOMETHING TO COPE WITH WHICH THERE ISN'T THIS WAS A LOVELY COMEDY A LOVELY LOVELY COMEDY

Pt II good omens but i've still never watched it

so you crazies blew up the other post, and many of you tried to explain the plot to me. many others said there is no plot. many said i was accurate. many said i wasn't. and then i watched a few youtube edits of the angel and the demon.

I'm convinced that I know at least a little bit more now, so like the great guy I am, I decided to share how well you've educated me.

the plot is an angel and demon become alcoholics together while doing the good ol' animal husbandry

neil gaiman doesn't have social media

everyone is crying because the angel wanted to go to heaven and the demon said no

and then the demon did the kissy smoochy to make the angel stay and the angel said no

they were not married for 6000 years but they were more married than married

there is a car. it is silver and crowley likes it.

the car is then yellow. crowley doesn't like it. aziraphale does.

there's some kind of Jane Austen ball and dance

oh but also crowley gives aziraphale a more private dance in their home and he bows while making intensely sexual eye contact with the angel who is turned on and says nice and everyone is gasping about it

no one knows about god, not the fandom, not the characters, not god herself. god is ineffable. hey mum i learned a new word!

they run over an american witch

the angel likes books in a way bordering on obsessive and worshipful

the demon likes the angel in a way bordering on obsessive and worshipful

there's a gramophone

crowley says sorry a bunch of times

aziraphale keeps getting flustered and dying coz of crowley, and the fandom dies every time. crowley is also dying. everyone is dying. hopefully not literally, im now scared of this fandom.

there's a psychedelic drug trip at some point that's in the edits where crowley goes whee down a chute. either that or the sleep deprivation is getting to me. fuck you, good omens fandom.

terry pratchett is a guy

whether he is real, or a character, or like neil gaiman he is neither real nor a character, i am unsure, but he is important and people want me to remember him

crowley likes speeding

[the-darklings]

Hello! Not tibyim related. How are you? You doing alright? Just noticed that you seem a bit -I dunno if it's the right term- weary? Tired? Your writing is still wonderful as always, don't worry. It's none of my business but just checking in if you're feeling okay. Take care always!

hi, thank you so much for asking 🤧 I generally prefer keeping any negativity off my blog, so it's a safe space for everyone, but I suppose it would be good to give a bit of context to anyone who cares to know.

tw: death in the family, grief, depression, anon negativity.

So, these last two months have been... a lot. I suffer from depression and kinda hit rock bottom early this year. I managed to sit down with myself and make some manageable changes in my life to get into a better mental state, and it's been treating me really well this year, so I've been way better lately.

But at the end of August, my last remaining grandmother passed away. I lived with her for a portion of my childhood, but my feelings toward her were complicated since she was, directly and indirectly, responsible for many traumas that remain unresolved to this day for me. I felt indifferent towards her passing, but my mom took it hard. I had to travel to get back to my homeland to sort some paperwork etc., and it's just been a lot mentally and emotionally. I've been completely out of the usual routine that kept me emotionally stable and happy. My mom's health has also suffered a great deal since she's now dealing with panic attacks/pre-heart attack levels of high blood pressure and had two dips yesterday, making me a bit more exhausted than usual since I'm worried for her.

tibyim has been the one shining light in this last month and a half, and I'm grateful to all of you for reading it and supporting it so fiercely and lovingly. Writing it and answering your questions has been a wonderful distraction tiding me over.

I also dealt with that anon again yesterday since they came back trying to pass off as a "different" anon while talking the same way and doubling down on the same issues. I'm okay with people not liking tibyim - it's a given with any story that someone out there will not like it - but I honestly don't care to argue with anyone on how I write my own story. Sandman fandom is popular and has hundreds of insanely talented writers producing content for it daily. I've dealt with this type of energy in the past, but it's honestly exhausting, and I didn't want to put this shit on all your dashes, so I dealt with it behind the scenes.

I'm okay for the most part, just drained, and, yes, weary. Work on part 10 should start today, and I'm happy to focus on something positive, but yes, this stuff hits you over the head no matter how used to it you are. Once again, thank you for asking how I am. It's been a while since anyone has asked in such a meaningful fashion.

[fandomregina]

Hey!! I read your analysis posts and they're SO GOOD, can't wait for more. I'm confused about the "generational curse" thing, I'm not sure what it is but something isn't clicking for me lol. Could you please explain what the curse is and how it started with Abuela and repeated in the Madrigal trio + the grandkids? Thanks!!! :)

Hi!! I love getting questions so thank you so much for asking one!!! And thank you so much! Hopefully I can get the rest of the scene out sooner or later, but the GIFs take a while to make so we'll see :)

It's actually generational trauma (or inter generational trauma) I was talking about. The definition from online is

"the concept developed to help explain years of generational challenges within families. It is the transmission (or sending down to younger generations) of the oppressive or traumatic effects of a historical event".

So for Encanto, the trauma is Alma and Pedro loosing their home to the soldiers and Alma loosing Pedro. Not only is Alma uprooted from her home, it's destroyed. Her husband is also taken from her, being murdered right in front of her. Although she gains shelter from the mountains and a magical house because of his sacrifice, that doesn't erase the trauma she has gone through. She also now has to raise a family and lead a village. This is a very large responsibility for someone who has lost their home, husband, has been removed forcibly from their homeland, has to raise 3 children, has to pretty much lead a village, and is having to do it all alone.

Because of this, Alma strives for perfection, has high expectations for her children and for using the magic gifted to them ("[We'll] earn the miracle that somehow found us"..."But work and dedication will keep the miracle burning. And each new generation must keep the miracle burning").

We see this trauma transmissioned onto her children, Julieta, Pepa, and Bruno. And then onto her grandchildren. Here is just a rundown of how the intergenerational trauma effects each Madrigal.

Julieta: She is the healer. I kind of see her having to play the mother role at a very young age because maybe Alma wasn't able to some days or weeks due to depression. She might also be the sibling the other two would come to after a fight with Alma or if they were upset and didn't feel like they could go to Alma (or being the therapist daughter/sister)

Pepa: Her emotions. She feels everything very strongly all the time. She most likely isn't emotionally stable. Alma usually yelled about her clouds or the certain weather above her head.

Bruno: "My gift wasn't helping the family". He couldn't really help the townspeople and his gift was seen as a bad omen of sorts. He was really the blacksheep.

Luisa: Being an eldest daughter and having a lot of responsibility placed on her head (yes I know Isabela is the oldest, but Luisa is also considered an eldest (to Mirabel anyway)). Worthless if not of service and honestly her entire song shows how the generational trauma affects her and honestly I might go into an analysis post on that song alone because it is a lot.

Isabela: The 'golden child'. Always always always having to be perfect. She can't step out of line or have any imperfections. She also seems to be a people pleaser. Going through the arranged proposal with Mariano to please Alma.

Camilo: He can't be himself or being himself isn't always what someone needs him to be. He has to always be changing himself to be what is needed of him to be.

Dolores: The middle/invisible child. She hears everything and everyone. Definitely a people pleaser. I mean, she lets Isabela have Mariano because Alma want him to marry Isabela, not Dolores, so she allows it to happen for the good of the family and doesn't complain.

Antonio: My baby is so young it hurts. But he goes to show you that no matter the age you are, you're still affected by intergenerational trauma. Pepa is a emotional wreck and so her kids cannot express their emotions well because she can't or gets yelled at for it by Alma. So, Antonio, instead of having a connection with his mother, he has it with Mirabel (for example, the walking to the door scene). Antonio is also very anxious about not getting a door because he knows first hand how it might affect him, seeing how it affects Mirabel after she doesn't get one since he lived with her for 5 years. He, along with the other kids, start helping the townspeople at about 5 years old. The pressure on these kids start young, if not from birth.

Mirabel: she sees how the trauma is affecting the family and wants to start the change to help them heal from it (end of the movie)

And as for all of them, they're really only seen throughout the movie as to be used by the townspeople for their gifts (if not by the townspeople themselves, then by Alma). They would do what they're asked no matter the cost really. And the Madrigals didn't get the help they needed until the end of the movie after Casita collapses because the townspeople finally see that they aren't perfect and kinda goes to show it's ok to ask for help. Nobody truly expresses what they feel either until things just collapse.

I think this movie does an amazing job at showing just how intergenerational trauma can affect families and how it's expressed in each generation/child. Also, the short shown before the movie (at least in theaters - called "Far From the Tree") is also an example of intergenerational trauma and how the cycle can be continued or stopped.

If anyone sees anything that may not be right or wants me to add something, let me know!!

[latte-fairytaekwoon]

𝓐𝓾𝓻𝓸𝓻𝓪 𝓐𝓼𝔂𝓵𝓾𝓶: 𝓙𝓮𝓸𝓷𝓰 𝓨𝓾𝓷𝓱𝓸

𝚆𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: 𝙼𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚘𝚡𝚒𝚌 𝚛𝚎𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚙, 𝚢𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚘𝚛, 𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚞𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏 𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚖, 𝚜𝚞𝚒𝚌𝚒𝚍𝚊𝚕 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚒𝚎𝚜, 𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚜𝚞𝚒𝚌𝚒𝚍𝚎, 𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏 𝚍𝚎𝚐𝚛𝚊𝚍𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚐𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘𝚙𝚒𝚌𝚜. 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝚊𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚌𝚛𝚎𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗.

𝙿𝚊𝚒𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐: 𝚈𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚎! 𝙹𝚎𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚈𝚞𝚗𝚑𝚘 × 𝙿𝚜𝚢𝚌𝚑𝚘𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚒𝚜𝚝 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛 (𝙵𝚎𝚖𝚊𝚕𝚎)

𝚆𝚘𝚛𝚍 𝙲𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚝: 𝟹𝙺

𝙶𝚎𝚗𝚛𝚎: 𝙰𝚗𝚐𝚜𝚝, 𝚂𝚕𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝙵𝚕𝚞𝚏𝚏, 𝚈𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝙰𝚄

❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃

I breathed out an airy and desolate sigh through my nose, obviously I unconsciously did it a little too loud as the raven haired male sitting across from me looked down at the floor.

"It was all my fault.....wasn't it?"

I looked up, the glasses sitting on my nose bridge tilting slightly that I had to push them back up so I could study his features, or should I say, his expressions. His eyelids never blinked once, his eyes were trained on the pattern of the carpet underneath him, but I knew his mind was elsewhere. I looked with pity at the bandages wrapped around his wrists, some of the edges stained with fresh blood. I gulped slightly, my stomach threatening to spill out my meager lunch of an apple and avocado toast slice from earlier. I could handle hearing patients tell and retell me about how they stabbed their parents to death, cut off their significant other's genitals because they were unloyal to them, even tackled a deranged lunatic that once tried to...... seduce me to put mildly.......

But to this day, I can't help but get dizzy when I treat or deal with patients who are self harming victims, because yes, they are victims. Victims of their own self loathing, guilt, and depressive state that isn't their fault. It just pains me so much to see them resort to such drastic measures...

But I'm also not stupid and know some, if not most only do it for attention or to manipulate others, and Yunho is a case not far from it. Which is why I was the one sent to deal with him. All the other psychologists would have fallen for his sad puppy eyes, good looks, well built physique and would have released him too early into the world. Not that he's dangerous and a threat to society, but he's not emotionally nor mentally stable to go deal with daily life yet. And I'm not a softie by any means even if I'm patient and meek doctor when necessary. But I'm objective and I seek deeper into the true person hiding behind the front they put in front of me.

"Do you believe it was your fault Yunho?" Usually one would get scolded for answering a question with a question, but I prefer this method in order to get my patients to reason and draw out their own conclusions......

And makes them pour out their true answers.

I watch Yunho ponder for a moment.

"It has to be- otherwise she wouldn't have...wouldn't have-"

He bites back a choked sob, teeth tightening and gritting against themselves as he fails to contain his tears. His hands cover his face as he begins to cry uncontrollably, desperate and heartwrenching wails resonating throughout the 4 walls keeping us company. Reaching for the purple plaid box on the coffee table between us, I take out a few tissues and stand up from my seat. Lightly tapping on his shoulder, I whisper a 'here' to him. He thanks me, but since he's crying too hard no sound comes out his throat. For the next few minutes, he's blowing out his runny nose, all red just like his eyes from crying too hard. He's sniffling while trying to control his previous hyperventilating session. I want to hug him or at least give him a pat in the back. But I can't, I can only sit back and try to imagine the agony he's probably going through, try to put myself in his shoes as I dive deep into the event that got him here in the first place:

❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃

Coming back from a trip to the store, Yunho momentarily looks around confused when he heard his baby daughter crying. Quickly putting the bags on the kitchen counter, he makes his way over to the nursery that adjoined the main bedroom. Calling out for his wife, he receives no response as he walks down the hallway. He calls once more for her but stops midway as he opens the slightly ajar door. His heart stops beating and his veins run cold as he stares into the lifeless body of his beloved wife hanging in the room, feeling as if the oxygen is being ripped out from his lungs, suffocating slowly.

As if sensing his agitation, his daughter's cries from the other room grow louder, so much that they raise concern from their next door neighbor, a kind and sweet old lady who more than once has offered her help in watching over the child or help them out in any way she could. Typing in the passcode, she makes it there just in time to stop the tall male from inflicting more harm upon himself as he holds onto his wife's body in agony. Having been left with no choice, she immediately calls for an ambulance, who arrive there shortly and take him to a nearby hospital.

He was monitored 24/7 as he had a history of attempted suicide before. The nurses and doctors didn't want another episode to happen again, not wanting to leave a barely 1 year old fatherless as well as motherless. As an investigation went, police found a journal hidden deep between the mattresses on the bed. When they poured over the first pages, they knew there was much more to the story than just a doting husband who couldn't live without his wife, hence why he was relocated to the infamous asylum......

And a specialized woman was tasked to not only unmask the truth, but hopefully help a poor broken mind be put back together again.

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Hence why I'm here now, the folder I had read over and over again still on my lap. It honestly amazed me that I'd actually get to work on a case like this, and of course I took up the challenge of digging into a mind like Yunho's, not just to help him, but to leave a precedent for any other situations like this that came after.

"A precedent?" I remember the officer asking me.

"Yes. You'd be surprised just how common these types of toxic relationships there are in an everyday basis yet no one ever looks deeper because they're too focused treating a depressed person who's trying to kill themselves and don't focus on what they really are...."

Shutting the folder, I tucked it under my arm before turning on my heel.

"A manipulative individual who'll do anything to keep someone tied to them forever."

That's how I viewed Yunho, it's how I should be viewing him. At least until I could hopefully get him to change.

"How's......is my daughter ok?"

I let out a soft hum and nod as I scribbled something down on the notepad.

"She's fine. We're having someone take care of her in the meantime, don't worry."

Yunho let out a sigh of relief, fingers fidgeting against his thighs as he mustered up the courage to say something.

"Could I.....could I please see her?"

From the sad look in my eyes he could already tell the answer was negative.

"I'm sorry Yunho....I'm afraid until we see some improvement, we can't allow you to be reunited with her just yet."

I tried to keep my voice steady as I said that, bracing myself to possibly see him breakdown once more. He had already lost his wife and now learning that his only child was forced away from him could possibly send him spiraling down into another episode.

But Yunho instead took a deep breath and seemed calm.

"I understand.....it's ok..." I knew he was saying those last two words more to himself than to me.

Lifting his face up, he suddenly shocked me by looking so bright and rather happy.

"So I guess it's best if we begin right?"

Even to this day, I don't know whether I should have been delighted to have such a compliant patient.....

Or terrified.

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"Tell me Yunho, what was your first reaction when you saw your wife?"

A subtle hint of a smile curled at the corners of his lips.

"I thought she was the kindest and most caring person in the world, very pretty too. She just walked in and the room instantly lit up."

He was reminiscing about those times, I could tell. That fond look on his face was unmistakable.

"Do you believe you fell in love at first sight with her?"

His smile suddenly dissipated, eyebrows scrunching together as if recollecting memories from so long ago.

"I think.......I felt attracted to her.....but.....I don't think it was love?"

I could tell he felt conflicted with himself, but that's exactly what I wanted. I want him to question every feeling and sensation he felt at the moment so he could decide for himself if it was real or just a mere illusion he held. If he starts to second guess or question what he felt then he'd start reasoning and come to the conclusion that what he felt was wrong and mistaken. He'd see that his actions weren't justified.

"So when do you truly believe you fell in love with her?"

I stopped writing on my notepad and watched him close his eyes as he tried to pinpoint the exact time he felt whatever he thought was love.

"One night....one of our friends was feeling down in spirits. I witnessed how caring she was towards them...kindly reassuring them that they were loved, that they mattered. I vividly remember her kind eyes and loving smile as she comforted them. Then it hit me that she was that kind of person. Selfless, caring, doting, would sacrifice anything for her friends and family...... it was hard for anyone not to fall in love with her."

He turned his hand over, studying the wedding ring that he still wore to this day, the engravings of their initials being his prime interest.

"And at that moment I knew I had to have her. I couldn't let anyone else have her. I wanted her.... that love, compassion, empathy..her confidence and strong nature, I wanted-"

He stopped mid sentence and his eyes wizened in horror as he came to the realization I had foreseen long ago. He looked up at me, meeting my unwavering eyes that held no emotion at that moment.

"She had all the qualities I had always lacked in."

I took my glasses off and nodded.

"And I unconsciously wanted them for myself.... but the only way I could have them was...through her?" He seemed sickened with himself.

"Not exactly Yunho. You could have learnt to love yourself and raise your self esteem." I quickly scribbled my observation down.

"But I didn't. Instead I caged her up and slowly tore her down."

I couldn't help but let out an involuntary smile as he drew out that conclusion.

"Glad to know you've accepted that fact, even if it took several months for you to understand."

Shutting the notepad, I lifted myself up from my chair, straightening my blouse. Yunho followed suit.

"Is our session over?" He was always so polite, always escorting me out and holding the door open for me, which other doctors would have adamantly refused, too scared to come close to their patients. But not me. I let them have certain liberties at times.

"Not yet Yunho. As you've made remarkable progress, I got permission for you to see someone."

He was momentarily confused for a split second. Poor thing probably thought it was one of the nurses coming in to give him some new medication to take, which he hated with a passion. Stepping outside for a brief moment, I happily took the young baby in my arms, the little girl already used to seeing me as I always went to go see her after being with Yunho for a few hours. When I came back inside he had his back turned to me, once again staring off into nowhere. The light gurgled babbles the baby emitted caught his attention immediately. He whipped his head around so fast I thought he'd break his neck for a second. He teared up as the child began squealing in excitement as she recognized her father right away.

"Oh my-" He choked up with tears that he couldn't finish his sentence.

I calmly walked over to him, lightly bouncing the baby in my arms. Yunho hesitantly reached his hands out.

"Can I..?" He had such a hopeful glint in his eyes.

I didn't answer, I merely held his daughter out to him. As soon as she felt his embrace, she latched onto him as if he was one of the teddy bears she often slept with. Perhaps he was one.

No....he is one.

In my time of spending time with Yunho, I've come to strongly believe he is a sweet and tender individual. And judging by the way the little girl feels safe in his arms, I do believe he is capable of being truly loved.....

If he learns how to properly love not just someone else, but himself too.

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Stepping out of my car, I quickly grab the small pink bag on the passenger seat before locking it. Treading through the small patch of green grass, I ring the doorbell and wait for one of the occupants to open up for me. No surprise, I'm greeted by the same raven haired male I met nearly 3 years ago. He looks delighted to see me.

"Y/N. Hi!"

I wave at him, a small but genuine smile on my features.

"Hi Yunho. Did I come at a bad time?" I notice the apron covered in flour and leftover egg on it.

"Oh no not at all. Please come in."

Moving aside to let me pass, my nose catches the scent of baked goods filling the air. I can distinctly recognize the hints of lavender and french vanilla, an odd but surprisingly tasty combination. I spot out of the corner of my eye a little head peeking out from the kitchen, curious to know who had come to pay them a visit. Letting out a squeal, she quickly ran over to attach herself on my leg.

"Y/N!"

I chuckled and lightly run my fingers through her hair which was longer than the last time I saw it.

"Hi Jina, I see you've been baking something." We both chuckle as I scraped off some cake batter that had gotten on the tip of her button nose.

"Me and dad are making cupcakes for my friend's birthday party tomorrow." She explained.

"Wow that's a really nice gesture. I bet they'll turn out delicious."

Remembering that I was short on time and that I had one last task to carry out, I pull out the bag I had hidden behind my back and hand it to her.

"It's for you."

Her eyes began to sparkle so much they could rival all the stars in the galaxy. After thanking me like 20 thousand times, she plopped her tiny body on the couch to tear into the contents inside it. I shake my head before taking out a small paper from inside my trench coat.

"And this is for you."

Taking the slip from my fingers, Yunho opens it up and scans what it says. He seems confused for a moment, not fully understanding what it means. He looks to me once more, probably for the last time, asking for an explanation.

"It's your official release from the institution. No more drop in visits, no more eyes on you 24/7, and soon you won't have to continue with the prescribed medication, although when that happens they will send someone once in a while to check up and make sure you're ok without them."

Yunho nods but it is a rather sad and pained nod.

"So this means you won't be seeing us any longer?"

I inhale deeply and nod.

"This was a temporary thing until you got better Yunho. After all....I was only the doctor assigned to you."

It hurt me to say that as much as it probably hurt him, as much as it'd hurt Jina to know I wouldn't be coming back anymore.

"Can't we at least be friends?"

I hated seeing those puppy eyes of him practically beg me, signature trait he passed on to his daughter.

"That would be completely unprofessional of my part Yunho. I deeply cherish and treasure all the time we spent together and I'm beyond happy and satisfied that you've come so far since the start of our journey..."

I sighed deeply.

"But every journey has an end." He finished my sentence.

Extending his hand out to me, I took it and gave it a firm shake.

"I'm really going to miss you." He admitted.

"Me too. Me too."

Going over to the momentarily forgotten 4 year old, she let out an 'oof' when she suddenly found herself cooped up in my embrace.

"Take care of yourself and of your dad ok?"

I kissed the top of her head, her grinning face not registering that this might be the last time she ever saw me. Yunho walked me out the door and even escorted me all the way to my car. Always the gentleman, he held the door open for me. Before I could even get one foot inside, I felt a large hand grip my wrist. Turning to him, I was flustered when he suddenly pulled me close to him.

"Please don't leave. I need you....I..."

He looked conflicted with himself as he tried to finish his words. Taking a deep breath, he confessed:

"I love you."

My heart sank. He said the 3 words I hoped he'd never direct at me. Mainly because I was scared as he was. Don't get me wrong, Yunho is a wonderful man, and he truly deserves to be loved....

But am I certain that he has finally learned to love? Or is it because he feels he needs me?........

Only one way to find out.

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[rororxns]

Hello ! I hope you're doing great <3 if possible, may i join your Game I ?

Initial : N

Western Sun Sign : Aquarius Sun

Little Intuitive Reading About Your Wedding :

Your wedding gives off a VERY happy vibes ! The people there, you and your future spouse, your family, your in-laws, friends, etc all is happy. I really feel like it will be outdoor, you know Twilight's Bella and Edward's wedding party ? Yes, the place is similar to that, there's greenary, trees, flowers. I don't think you will be shy, like you two are veryy bestfriend like couple. I keep on getting a vision where there's a woman in a wedding gown, smiling widely towards her groom, very positive vibes. It's definitely a great great perfect day. No obstacles. No exes lol. Your besties might even dance, you too prolly and your husband be like "That's my wife right there ! That's Mrs.(your f/s's last name)!!" Cute.

- Your Venus Sign might be Sagittarius or Cancer ?

Oh hey, I was just about to do your shufflemancy reading then I was like I'm getting too carried away doing these 🧐 and here you are, the next person for the wedding asks. Your blog is cool, you like purple I like purple we're gonna get along 🤍

I'm doing ok, I hope you're doing awesome 🤍

Ah I'm glad there's no exes haha, and yay an outdoor wedding sounds cool 🙏🏻🥺

My Venus is in Pisces, but no matter, thanks a lot for the exchange! Let's get onto your wedding

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Your future wedding will potentially be like the below description:

You're gonna have a 'whale of a time', a lot of friends could attend, and I see the bride holding onto someone else's hands nervously perhaps something could happen that makes things a little not go as planned (The Chariot, things could turn a little chaotic) but anyway you will have support from the people around so things will turn out okay.

I got the IX of Cups so even if there is some emotional imbalance, it will be smoothened out and I think the groom if there's any will feel emotionally stable or in control and the mood could be more determined to continue the wedding successfully. I see a man looking at himself in the mirror kinda preparing and he seemed to have stable earthy vibes and he looked masculine it could be you or your partner. The groom could wear white as well.

I also see you two around the time of making the vows and it seems like there's a lot of white cloth background it could be that the location is in a big, white tent sort of feel? Either that or there's just white cloth in the background as part of the design.

X of Wands. I think there will be a long preparation time for the wedding and towards the end you could feel like it's worth it because you're going to get the results you wanted. Remember to share your burdens with others, don't deal with things too headstrong-ly and make sure to delegate tasks well.

I tried asking what song would suit the vibe of your wedding, and I'm sorry but I Bet You Think About Me by Taylor Swift came out, which tbh really does feel like the vibe I get from the wedding. I think there'll probably be something to go through during your big day, it mayy be related to family/family in law. Don't worry about it now though, just do your best and you'll be alright. All the best

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Thank you for participating! Have a nice day, and please leave feedback.

[asmolboy]

OK but what if Shuichi was a blackened? +saiouma platonic or romantic is your preference.

Shuichi looked down the chute, "Kaito are you sure it's a good idea to throw this down? We don't know where it goes." Kaito only nodded. "yeah! Plus it'll be pretty good for now to try it!" he yelled up while holding the ladder that held Shuichi up high enough to be eye level while said chute. "if you say so... " he gently rolled the ball into it, a loud banging sound ran out as it hit the walls. Shuichi went down the ladder looking to Kaito, "now what?" he shrugged, "I don't know maybe wait until the noises stop?" Shuichi blinked a bit, "in that case I am going to leave because I am quite a bit tired of this." "alright Shuichi!"

Shuichi walked down the hall to hear a screech ring out, he ran to it. "Maki!" he heard Himiko yell as he entered the room, there lay Maki's dead body a ball rolled away a little bit as Himiko cried over her body. It wasn't a unfamiliar sight at this point but he couldn't help but cry, "no..." he whispered to himself letting tears rolling down his cheeks. "yo Shumai what happened my beloved? I heard things going on but I don't trust anyone else here have the emotional discipline to be able to awnser me," Kokichi asked coming in and going to Shuichi, "Maki's been killed... Ouma kun I am not emotionally stable to deal with you right now..." he mumbled looking away, "you need a little break from being a detective for a little while? You look like it." he asked, Shuichi looked at him a hint of shock on his features. Kokichi wasn't lying. "... Yes..." "well then go ahead and leave I can investigate for ya." he giggled a bit trying to keep the mood from doing a further swan dive. "yes please thank you..." he quickly left speed walking to his room.

"oh my gosh....Kokichi what are you doing with her??" Kaito asked walking to him, Kokichi knocked on her head. "oh you know trying to find out if she's actually dead you know," he lied, "oh yup dead and it's from head trauma." he said looking to Kaito, "oh really what told you that? The bleeding coming from her head?" he mustered as much sarcasm as he could looking at Kokichi, "that and her head made a dull sound when I knocked on it." "what does a dull sound even mean??" Kokichi got up going around the room, "it means there was head trauma. The sound would be hollow if it wasn't head trauma." he picked up the ball looking at it, "Kaito you recognize this?" he lifted it up so Kaito could see, "yes there were many similar balls in a room me and Shuichi went to but why are you doing stuff like this?" Kokichi nodded a bit noting it, "I'm playing detective so Shumai can take a break from this stuff." Kaito blinked a bit tears going from his eyes, "Shuichi needed a break?" "don't you?" he deadpanned turning to him, "weren't you close to Maki? Doesn't her being dead make you want to break down and cry?" Kaito stepped back a bit shocked. "yes I was! But that doesn't mean I can't-" "go to bed Kaito it's not like I am going to destroy anything." Kaito looked at him tears going down his cheeks, "unless you have any information on what happened I think that you need to leave before you end up like Himiko when Tenko died."

Shuichi walked down to the room with the chute, Kiibo by his side, "so yeah I'll show you where it is and you see where it leads." he walks in, "got it!" he smiled following Shuichi into the room, who was at that point standing under the chute. "it's up there" he pointed up to it, Kiibo flew up and went into it. Shuichi took a few steps away from it trying to look into it from a few steps away, it was a few minutes before Kiibo made it back by walking to the room the way he first came. "so where does it go?" he asked, "the room where Maki died." Kiibo said looking away from him, Shuichi looked at him petrified. "oh dear..." "why'd you want me to see where it went anyway?" "I just wanted to know if it'd be relevant to her death..."

"so you're telling us that you and Shuichi were in a room with a chute that led to the room where you threw a ball down into it not thinking that it could hit anyone?" Kokichi looked at Kaito a perplexed look on his face, "if I wasn't a master liar I would assume that you were lying." "well we didn't exactly think it through too well... He tried to get me not to continue with the plan but-" "liar. The ball didn't have your finger prints on it." Kokichi interrupted, Shuichi looked at him shocked, "how were you able to do that? Check for finger prints?" he asked. "oh I just thought since I was playing detective to do stuff my dad did for a job way back when." he spoke putting his arms behind him and stretched at his neck. "he may have been a dick but he did know forensic and mortician stuff." he said. "I only hand some of yall's finger prints but I found no match to anyone I didn't have." he said looking around, "I was there and I didn't touch anything like a moron and throw things down chutes." he lied teasing. Shuichi looked down at the ground be he spoke, "did anyone else go there? Like after me and Kaito left." "no no one went after that until after Maki was found dead." Kiibo awnsered looking at him. Kaito looked to Shuichi with a apologetic look, "I am so sorry..." Tsumugi and Himiko looked stunned and shocked, Kiibo looked afraid, while Kokichi was blank. "that's why it didn't match... Fucking damn it Kaito!" he screamed tears streaming down his face, they weren't his usual crocodile tears but real ones. Like the ones he shed after Gonta's execution. "you had to be a moron and make him do it!" he slammed his hand against the side of his stand. As the votes were done being cast the result was interesting. Shuichi 5 Kaito 1.

Shuichi was taken by the neck to his death, "Shuichi!" he heard and saw Kokichi try to run after him. But his attempts were fruitless. He was thrown into the execution room after a few minutes, it was a long hallway varias newspapers and mannequins lining the walls, the floor a grate. Shuichi started to walk cautiously forward looking at the new papers "promising young detective Shuichi Saihara!-" he stopped reading it as a sharp pain coming through his leg. He looked down to see a knife being stabbed through it, the sounds of many people's cries start to fill the hall what they were saying he didn't want to focus on them to figure it out. He started running trying to ignore the pain shooting through him, more knives ended up coming making it harder and harder to keep going until he saw the exit it was so close and yet felt so far. He could hear the begging pleading screams come closer, the mannequins moved to look at him closer following him. He tried to keep running at a good pace but.

He tripped.

Instead of being met by knives piercing into his skin he was met with a drop. He couldn't see where it was going but he hard a feeling he wouldn't survive what was there. And then he was tackled to a wall, "Fuck!" he hissed out the pain getting rediculous, "Shuichi are you OK? Where does it hurt? How can I help you?" his mind was blurry and so were his eyes from the pain but he decided to force words, "not too great in a lot of pain. Mostly my legs and back. I don't know who you even are?" the person only sighed a bit exhausted from who knows what and runs off. "hey wait! Where are you going?" he tried to move but the adrenaline had fully wore off. Shuichi looked around trying to make sense of what he was seeing, then the old semi familiar blurry blob came back being followed by another. "we are going to take you to my room so we can help you OK?" the smaller of the figures asked, "I can't walk..." Shuichi whimpered out. "no need to worry about that sidekick! I'll carry you!" the other figure said, "hey moron scream some more that'll make it sooo much better." Shuichi’s eyes widened and filled with tears, "Kaito?" he rubbed his eyes blinking looking at him, "yeah it's me! - Ow Kokichi!" "stop screaming so much will ya it isn't going to help Jack shit." Shuichi turned to the smaller figure, "Kokichi...?" he whimpered reaching a hand to him, "yes?" Kokichi leaned a bit forward only to get clung onto tightly. "thank you..." Shuichi cried holding onto him for dear life. Kokichi froze up for a bit before putting a hand into Shuichi’s hair petting him, "your welcome I guess?" he said.

Shuichi didn't know when he passed out but he woke up in a room. He didn't know what happened, he could hardly remember a thing. The door creeked open, Shuichi sat up looking to see what it was whimpering from the pain. "hey hey it's fine just calm down and slow down." Kokichi said calmly coming over to him with food. He put it on a table by the bed, before moving to Shuichi’s side. "how are you feeling?" he asked, the detective only blinked a bit, "I'm feeling OK? Where am I?" he asked looking at the liar. "great. Oh just in your room don't you recognize it?" he giggled lying, "I know that I am not in my room where actually am I?" Shuichi sighed, Kokichi only rolled his eyes, "so boring Shumai. You're just in my room." he said, "you hungry?" he asked pointing to the food, Shuichi looked to it and nodded a bit. "alright go ahead and eat it its poisoned and I've been waiting for you to die-" "Kokichi stop lying you cried and ran after him before his failure of an execution which you actively saved him from I might add!" Kaito walked in yelling at him. "wait what?" Shuichi blinked a bit trying to get out of the bed only to get hit with piercing pain. "you nearly died from blood loose we only managed to bullshit it to make sure you live." Kokichi said moving Shuichi a bit so he was more properly in bed as gently as he possibly could. He blinked at him a bit, "I don't remember any of that." Kaito looked at him, "well you ended up killing Maki on accident and were found out. Your execution failed because of Kokichi's meddling. Monokuma was pissed as shit." Shuichi looked at him wide eyed, "... Kokichi you made my execution fail?" he turned to the liar who was glaring at Kaito, "I told you not to mention that." he whined. "yeah I am not leaving that out no matter what." he said. Kokichi tried to walk away only to get his sleeve grabbed, "can you please stay? I want to talk to you more." he turned to Shuichi before sighing, "alright. Only cause you asked so nicely."

Tsumugi was found as the master mind and was killed. All who remained were Kokichi, Shuichi and Himiko. "well this can't get any worse at this point right?" he looked at the other two, "the only place it can go from here is up right?" the two of them looked at the supreme leader, Shuichi gave a quick nod, "yeah! We still have hope left!" "nyeh we can make it work." they smile at each other. "there's still hope..."

Hope yall liked this one ^^

[moons-and-stars-and-shit]

It worked! Sorry to bug you with a message! But I'd like to request a cake now!

So, about me. I have an actual name but I don't think I've heard it in months😃, instead I have a bunch of nicknames! (Rion, ri, oreo, onion, o, etc), I'm actually nb so I chose that name, however I 100% consider naming myself Arson💀My pronouns are they/them and I'm about 5'5, I have short, fluffy brown hair that I usually dye the front blue. I'm Asian hispanic, but I really don't look like either- my favorite foods are either really spicy and salty or sweet. Not the overwhelming chemical sweet tho, like a natural sweet flavor. My personality type is infp, and ig when I first meet people I can be shy (that's an understatement, I was mute for the first week of school🕳🏃‍♂️) but once I get to know people I can be pretty chaotic (once again, arson). I'm not a 100% demon spawn though, I don't really like making scenes in public and I probably will cry if I do- but I still have fun lol. I'm also the person who copes with severe mental health issues using humor, to an alarming degree 😔 I'm the therapist friend when really I'm the one who needs therapy. I also have a social battery that can die at random times, so I really like/need friends who can handle random mood changes of me going from energetic to silent in seconds. Academically, I'm really book smart, I'm a tutor, but my grades don't reflect it. I tend to procrastinate a lot and avoid studying, usually I catch myself last minute or trust memory on tests, but every now and then there's something that tanks my grades. I'm not very athletic, but I still try to play sports. I enjoy the feeling when I do something right, but the rest of the time I usually beat myself up for messing up.

And now just random facts 😃👍

My favorite color is yellow, not the bright eye sore shade that makes you want to throw up, but the nice softer, light shade. And I like anything that comes with that color! (Sunflowers, flowy sundresses and flip flops, summer activities, burning concrete, warm rain, etc). Nobody knows my music taste, it changes weekly, however I usually come back to mitski/cavetown or summer themed songs a lot! I enjoy playing music, but I have the curse of being a fast learner so that usually leads to be being bored and learning a new instrument at any given chance. And my birthday is a weird date that fucks with zodiacs so I can be considered either a leo or cancer, my personality changes a bunch, so take your pick lol. (Though emotionally I tend to be cancerous, I just express it and show it in a way a leo would) And someday I wanna be a long term traveler, or a florist. Just a job that makes me happy :). And I guess if I had to classify my aesthetic it would be bloomcore or soft grunge. I like wearing big sweaters and if I could I would wear a bunch of butterfly clips in my hair and wear mom jeans. (I would also wear man crushers, I mean, platforms if I was confident)

Aaaannnnd that was really long sorry!

To sum up, I'm just a bipolar bitch with depression and anxiety 👍

Thanks a bunch for just taking the time to read this!

@oririon

Romantic Matchup

Bokuto Koutarou

How Y’all Met

IERJNDJS

I’m getting a classic summer love vibe from this matchup 👀

Ok so I just Hc that Bokuto LOVES flowers

So he would always just go to the local flower shop to look at them

Pls hes to precious I cant-

But anyways you we’re working a summer job at the flower shop

And you grew fond of our little owl boy

You would always talk to him whenever he visited

He just made your job that much more enjoyable :)

So one day you stopped him right before he left and told him he could pick a bouquet of flowers if he wanted

He BEAMED at you and picked a bouquet of flowers he always looked at whenever he came

But what shocked you was instead of walking out with them

He gave them to you!

He then went on talking about how he really liked you but didn’t know how to tell you

At this point he was just rambling

So you laughed and asked him if he would like to go to the ocean with you after your shift

He agreed and you swear you saw stars in his eyes

After your shift you met up with Bokuto and went to the beach

You guys literally spent ALL day there!

And even some of the night 👀

Being the gentleman he is offered to walk you home

And when you two got to your house he asked you to be his s/o

What They Love About You

Ok starting off with a strange one

He loves the fact that your favorite color is yellow 💛

He just thinks it fits you so well 😊

He loves that you have to ability to turn your trauma into humor

Now I’m ngl...

Ye found it extremely concerning at first 🥲

But once you explained it was like a coping mechanism for you

He was super supportive!

AAAAAAAA

He LOVES your aesthetic!

He thinks it’s so cute

And once again he thinks it fits you 👀

He appreciates the fact that your smart

If he doesn’t understand something in class

He’ll just go to you!

And honesty going over the material with him has helped your understanding as well 👀

Bokuto s grades:📈

Your grades: 📈

Favorite Things To Do Together

Oml he loves summers with you

Any summer activity

Beaches

Ice cream

Flower meadows 👀

Summer night drives

The whole shtick

But when it’s not summer

He loves doing classic seasonal activities

Examples:

Fall - Jumping in leaf piles, coffee dates, preparing for Halloween, etc

Winter - Snowball fights/Making Snowmen, Christmas movie marathons, hot cocoa/ baking, etc

Spring - Dancing in the rain, picnics, gardening etc

It’s a vibe year round with bf Bokuto

Random Hc

His favorite season is summer

And his second is winter

Ik...polar opposites

Oof

He TOTALLY gets your mood swings

Although they may not be the same as his

He still understands them and respects them

Every year on your anniversary he buys you the exact same bouquet he gave you at the flower shop

Speaking of the flower shop 👀

He got a job there with you the following summer

So you guys basically spent most of your days together

Bokuto is REALLY bad at dark humor

But for some reason he still tries 😭

It’s either TOO dark

Or not dark at all 💀

Astrology

(We’re gonna go with your cancer zodiac 😂)

When Cancer and Virgo make a love match, a strong, down-to-earth relationship with staying power is the happy result.

This is a relationship with great potential to get better and better over the passing years.

Both Cancer and Virgo are goal-oriented and disciplined.

They are sincere and devoted to one another and share a strong sense of purpose.

No lightweight love here: These two were not really built for flings!

Cancer and Virgo deeply admire one another: Virgo respects Cancer’s quiet strength and dedication while Cancer appreciates Virgo’s keen adaptability and intelligence.

These lovers may get off to a slow start, but over time, bonds will only grow stronger.

The Cancer-Virgo love match prides itself on common sense and strong principles over fluff and inconsequential or fleeting connections.

They enjoy the material comforts of life, but they will only feel good about their bounty if it has come as a result of honest hard work.

There could be tiffs if Virgo becomes too critical for Cancer’s easily bruised feelings; Cancer needs to understand that it’s just Virgo’s nature to point out what they observe, that it’s not a personal attack.

A Virgo may bristle at their Cancer mate’s stubborn streak, but it’s a trait that a patient and understanding love partner like Virgo could come to appreciate.

Also, Virgo’s urge to serve suits Cancer’s affectionate, nurturing nature well.

Their dedication to working toward the same goals.

Both partners in this love match enjoy a stable home life and nice things, and Virgo truly enjoys helping Cancer along the way to achieving their goals.

Their shared goals and desires make theirs a highly compatible love match.

Overall Aesthetic

Bloomcore 🌸

Bloom - Jesse

This Side of Paradise - Coyote Theory

Flaming Hot Cheetos - Claire

Mystery of Love - Sufjan Stevens

[etymolo-drarry-ig]

Clueless

Draco has been dropping hints. Harry has yet to pick up on any of them.

---Harry’s POV---

In hindsight, the first hint was probably from the end of my third year.

"I have to tell you something," Draco had waved me over after the end-of-year feast. "But not here."

So we walked across the school grounds together, for the last time that school year. "I've been doing some thinking," Draco fidgeted with the cuffs of his shirt. "And I'll understand if you don't want to be friends anymore—"

"Draco, just tell me," I interrupted him, and he took a deep breath.

"I'm gay," he said finally.

"Oh," I replied. I wasn't sure what the correct response was—my only experience thus far was from Seamus and Dean, but even I knew they fancied each other, and I'm oblivious. Neither of them were very subtle, after all.

Draco turned to me. "Do you—do you hate me?"

Now I was confused. "I don't hate Dean or Seamus, do I?" I pointed out. "I mean, sure, seeing them make out every single night does get kind of annoying," I laughed. "No, of course I don't hate you. You're still my best friend.”

Draco smiled gratefully, facing forward again. "I haven't told anyone else," he clenched his jaw.

Draco nodded tightly.

"I'm the first one you've told?" A warmth filled my chest. People didn't usually trust me with their secrets.

"How do—how do wizards feel about—er, gay people?" The words left my mouth rather clumsily.

"It depends, I guess," Draco shrugged, "we mostly don't care, but same-sex marriage is still illegal. I know that father expects me to produce an heir, regardless. I don't think mum will care."

I wrinkled my nose at the word produce, and Draco laughed.

"I think I'll tell mum this summer," he continued, "we're pretty good at keeping secrets from father," he smiled.

"I'm glad you told me," I responded, "thank you for trusting me."

---

The second hint came about halfway through fourth year. Draco had only come out to a few people: his mum, Pansy Parkinson, and me. My perception of gay people was totally flipped on its head when Draco came out—before, I assumed every gay person was just as flamboyant as Dean and Seamus, but Draco was definitely not flamboyant. He'd made me realize that gay people come in all shapes and sizes, too.

Therefore, I wasn't completely bewildered when I started noticing people in a brand new way. I knew something was up when Cedric Diggory and Cho Chang came strolling down the hallway, hand and hand, and I couldn't even tell which of them I was more jealous of.

"I have something to tell you," I approached Draco during lunch, and he scooted over to make room for me at the Slytherin table. None of his housemates batted an eye—I usually sat with Draco a few times a week, although it was usually for study purposes.

He raised an eyebrow when I subtly cast a muffling charm. "Remember what you told me about at the end of last year?" I asked, "the thing you had never told anyone else before?" I added, to make sure Draco understood.

He nodded cautiously. "What are you getting at?"

I swallowed. "Me too, I think. Well, kind of. I mean, I like girls, but—well, I'm like you, too."

"Really?" Draco seemed to perk up a little bit. "So you're bi? Or pan?"

I nodded. "I guess so."

“Well,” he cleared his throat and sat up straight. "In that case, would you—um," his face flushed.

I tilted my head to the side, wondering why he was so flustered.

"Well, since we're both, you know," Draco continued, "maybe you would want to experiment?"

"Oh," I blinked. I hadn't really thought of actually being with anyone. Okay, I may have considered what dating Cho or Cedric would be like—but I hadn't taken it seriously . "I—I don't know," I admitted, "I don't know if I'm—what's the word?" I scratched my head, trying to remember the phrase Hermione had used. "Emotionally stable, I think? I don't think I could with anyone right now."

It was the truth, after all. Even if Cho or Cedric approached me, I don't think I'd be ready to be in a relationship.

"Oh," Draco returned to his mashed potatoes. "I just thought I'd ask. Hey," he nudged me with his elbow. "Now we can check out guys together, huh?"

I laughed and lowered my voice. "Have you seen Cedric Diggory? Merlin."

Draco laughed. "I'm more of a Victor Krum kind of guy, myself."

I chuckled. "Too bad for you, he's completely smitten with Hermione."

---

The next hint came at the end of fourth year. It was the last week before term ended, and for the first time in my life, I was excited for the summer. For the first time, I wasn't returning to the Dursley’s over the summer.

You see, fourth year had been kind of crazy for me. Aside from the Triwizard Tournament, (which Cedric won, of course, because he's amazing) I found out that I had a godfather—the reason no one bothered to tell me was because he was in prison.

Now that I was fourteen, I was allowed full access to my parents' Gringotts vault. I'd always thought there was something fishy about my parents' death—not the Voldemort part, but the fact that the only thing left of Peter Pettigrew was a finger. I mean, come on , there was a fully intact finger, but no bone fragments from the rest of the body?

So with the help of Ron, Hermione, and Draco, we tracked down my parents' will and discovered that not only had they changed Secret Keepers, but Peter Pettigrew was an unregistered animagus. A rat animagus.

And Ron's pet rat was missing a finger.

All it took was a quick trip to McGonagall's classroom to force Scabbers into his human form, and then… well, I didn't get very involved in the politics, but long story short, Sirius Black was a free man.

And I would be staying with him this summer.

Even better, in my opinion, was that Remus Lupin, another friend of my parents, would be staying with us, too. He and Sirius had started dating during school, apparently, and even thirteen years of Azkaban wasn't enough to drive them apart.

I was finally going to live with my family.

The Sunday before the end of term, Draco appeared at the Gryffindor table during breakfast. " Potter," he tapped me on the shoulder impatiently, and I turned to look at him. "Have you seen the Prophet?" He asked.

I shook my head. I never read the Prophet anymore—I had gotten tired of reading the rumors about me and my friends.

Draco shoved aside my plate to make room for his. "Well, you should read it."

I looked over to Hermione, who helpfully handed over her copy without a word. "Where should I be looking?" I asked.

"Page two, column three," Draco answered.

"Holy shit," I gasped, reading the headline. "’Same-sex marriage legalized in Wizarding Britain.' Hermione, Ron, look at this," I grinned.

I still remember the date. June 26th, 1991.

Even though most of them were straight, we were still crying by the end of breakfast. Seamus and Dean vanished for a celebratory makeout session, and Draco pulled me aside when I was done eating.

"This is fantastic," I told him, "Sirius and Remus can get married now, if they want."

"It's brilliant," Draco agreed. "Listen, since today's a special day and all, I thought I'd ask—" he paused, fidgeting with one of his rings.

I raised an eyebrow. "Ask me what?"

"Um, well, would you want to maybe be my boyfriend?"

My eyes widened. "Oh, I, um—" I stuttered. It didn't seem like a serious inquiry—he was only asking because of the legalization, right? "I don't—I don't  think I can handle that sort of thing right now," I confessed.

"Okay," Draco said easily, "you have a lot going on, after all. I just figured I'd ask." Then he left, leaving me alone and confused.

It was just a friendly question, right? Obviously he didn't actually like me—it was just a thing of convenience. He likes guys, I like guys, we're friends, so it was convenient.

Maybe if I'd felt more comfortable with the idea of dating someone, I would've said yes. He was my best friend, after all, and a great person. And he was quite attractive—not that I'd ever tell him that.

I sighed, putting the situation out of my mind for the time being. I wanted to write a letter to Sirius and Remus, after all.

---

Every year on Valentine’s Day, the professors collect valentines and distribute them to their intended recipients—thankfully, after the Lockhart incident in second year, the valentines no longer sang. Originally, valentines were sent like normal mail, but the horrifying number of valentines sent to me during first year had created an owl-jam, so the professors had to come up with an alternative.

For reasons you can probably guess, I'm not a fan of Valentine’s Day. I still read all the messages, though, but that's mostly because Fred and George always make sure to send me dozens of valentines, each one being more elaborate than the last.

During my fifth year, there was something a little different—one of the notes wasn't signed with a name. The valentines I got were never anonymous, so to have one signed "your secret admirer" was odd.

Dear Harry,

I apologize for adding to the torrent of messages sent to you this year, but I have something to get off my chest. I don't think you'll ever consider me as more than a friend, but I have a huge crush on you. Happy Valentine's Day.

-Your secret admirer

Something was bothering me about the handwriting, too. It looked oddly familiar.

"You okay, Harry?" Hermione watched me frown at the note in my hand.

"Yeah," I said, "I just don't know who this is from," I handed her the slip of parchment, and she shrugged.

"It says that you're friends, right?" She tilted her head. "Maybe that's a hint."

After breakfast was over, and I had vanished most of the valentines, I brought the note over to Draco. "Do you recognize this handwriting?" I asked, "I don't know who sent it."

"Probably because they didn't put their name," Draco said sarcastically, staring at the note in my hand. "Do you—do you recognize the handwriting?"

I studied the curvy script. "It could maybe be a girl's handwriting," I suggested

"It's not that feminine," Draco replied, "besides, you wouldn't know decent handwriting if it slapped you in the face."

"Oh, shut up."

---

Two weeks later, I still hadn't figured out who'd sent me the note. "Maybe you should see if the handwriting matches one of your friends," Draco suggested.

Hermione nodded. "Maybe you can check old notes you've passed in class."

"Merlin, are we still talking about this?" Ron rolled his eyes, "rook to D-8," he added, and the chess board adjusted accordingly.

"I think it's cute," Hermione mused, "you're invested."

"I'm not cute, 'Mione," I grumbled.

"Oh, but your secret admirer begs to differ," Draco teased.

"Bugger off, Malfoy," I grumbled, but I was grinning.

---

Draco sat against the tree trunk, the sunlight causing his hair to glow. "Have you still not figured it out?" For some reason, Draco was exasperated. "You compared handwritings and everything?"

I nodded. "I did everything you guys suggested." I laid back on the ground. I honestly didn't care who it was at this point, because the sender definitely wasn't who I hoped it was.

Yeah, that's right. Draco had asked me out last year, and it seemed to have gone to my head, because now I fancied him. Which sucked, because there was no way he liked me back—we were just friends.

"You're an idiot, Harry."

"Tell me something I don't know," I responded, avoiding his gaze. I was not going to blush, I wasn't, I—

"Look at me, Harry."

I blushed.

"Do you want to know who it is?" Draco raised his eyebrows, and I nodded quickly. "It's me."

"I—" what? "You? But that means—you have a crush on me? Wait, but— really?"

Draco waited for me to finish spluttering. "I've fancied you since third year," he deadpanned.

I sat up quickly. "Oh," I said. Think fast. "Er—then," I scratched the back of my neck, "do you want to watch the quidditch match with me this weekend?"

He frowned. "We're already going to watch toget— oh, you mean as a date?" I nodded quickly, and he rolled his eyes. "You know, if the roles were reversed," he gestured between us, "you would not have picked up on that."

I buried my face into my hands. "Oh, shut up."

---

The quidditch match was Ravenclaw versus Hufflepuff, which meant my loyalty was divided on account of the two seekers, Cho and Cedric.

"Who do you think will catch the snitch?" I asked Draco.

"Cedric, definitely," he scoffed, "he has the better broom."

"Cho makes sharper turns, though," I pointed out.

"Technique can only get you so far."

I narrowed my eyes. "Is that a challenge?"

Draco tilted his head. "Perhaps."

I huffed. "Fine. Seeker's game later?"

"You're on."

Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted Ron and Hermione waving frantically to Draco from a few rows away. When I turned, though, they abruptly stopped. "What was that?" I asked him.

"Nothing," he said quickly, "I don't know."

I eyed him. "It's nothing, or you don't know?"

"I don't know," he repeated.

I sighed and turned back to the game, but Ron started waving again. "What are you doing?" I called to him, but he only shrugged, as if to say I don't know what you're talking about.

"Seriously, what's going on?" I asked Draco, who laughed at me.

"Why, what are you thinking?"

"I don't know, because you won't tell me, " I sighed in exasperation and turned back to the game, just in time for Cho to spot the snitch

She dove for it, and Cedric followed close behind. The snitch made a sharp turn, though, and Cedric wasn't able to change direction fast enough. "Told you," I elbowed Draco, who nudged me back.

"Told you," he replied as Cedric quickly gained on Cho until they were neck-and-neck. I grabbed his hand in anticipation as they got closer… and closer… and Cedric reached forward and snatched the snitch out of the air.

"YES!" we jumped from our seats, cheering loudly. Hufflepuff won, 220 to 80 points.

"I told you," Draco gloated, and I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," I couldn't stop grinning, but it didn't have to do with who caught the snitch. My stomach fluttered—I was holding his hand.

The pitch emptied quickly, with Ron and Hermione helpfully leaving us behind. We grabbed our brooms and headed for the center of the field, not bothering to change into quidditch robes.

"Er, listen, Harry—" Draco said before I could release the snitch.

"Yeah?"

He rubbed the back of his neck. "I just wanted to say sorry, for, um—"

I furrowed my brow. "For what?"

"I dunno, for being too forward?" His eyes darted around the pitch.

"What? You didn't even do anything—" unfortunately.

"I feel like I did, though," he ran his fingers through his hair, and my heart fluttered. "What?" He watched me bite my lip.

"I—I have butterflies," I answered shyly.

"Well, you shouldn't have eaten so many butterflies, then," he replied cheekily, and I shoved his shoulder, laughing. "Why do you have butterflies?"

My face reddened. "Because I—because I fancy you," I answered, and his eyes widened.

"You do? But I thought—"

"I mean, you asked me out in June, and I know you meant it as a friend thing," I said, "but I guess it went to my head, because now—"

"Hold on," Draco interrupted me, "who in their right mind asks someone out as a friend?"

I paused. "You?"

He bit his lip. "You really are an idiot," he said softly.

I was silent for a moment, staring at his lips. "Can I—um," I heard myself say, "can I kiss you?"

Draco didn't answer; instead, he pulled me towards him, swiftly planting a kiss on my lips.

My brain seemed to short circuit, but at some point, I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, standing on my tip-toes to easily reach him. We stayed like that for Merlin-knows-how-long, standing in the middle of the quidditch pitch with our arms wrapped around each other.

We never did play that seeker's game.

(wattpad) (ao3)

[being-demisexual]

~5/5~ My whole ask is a big mess but really firstly I just wanted to thank you for being here and then I thought it could be nice to talk a moment with my situation and know we are here with a lot of questions...? I'm sorry! ;_;

~4/5~ I only want to add that I don't have a father figure because most men from my family are jerks and my parents aren't happy in their marriage and if I had loving family and decent relationship with my father I still... could be in ace community? I wonder how much my childhood created "me" and the fact this male character seems to have opposite character of my father is just, this is idea is dumb I KNOW THIS AND still, I feel that I'm not really an ace?

~3/5~ Like he is even nice looking man? Yes, fandom call him a hot character(still for me he is just beautiful?? Does it make sense?), yes he is just a character but still?? I even start think about that getting a boyfriend could be nice? Still no for romantical things??? At least not for a start, like a few months, I think? I never was in relationship with anyone, though I just wonder if I could be a demi? A demiromantic maybe? Is it a thing?? I don't really know...

~2/5 Like normally I don't want to date anyone but if it could be a person as him I think I could hesistate to say "no"? Especially if he doesn't ask to go out from the start and let me to know him better? I don't know how it could be with kissing and stuff, but maybe, really maaaayyyybe it could happen with him if we could know each other for long time? And I could just trust him?

~1/5~ I want to thank you for being here as asexual spectrum blog!

Sorry it took me so long to answer this! Real life kind of caught up to me and I had to prioritize some other things. Hopefully I can help you out a little now, though. 

In regards to your question about how much of our childhood governs our development as adults, I wouldn’t worry too much about whether your family situation has any bearing on your place in the asexual community. While its true that our childhoods form a foundation for our later world views and the creation of the person we want to be, this doesn’t mean that we are strictly products of our childhood. People can grow up in environments where the adults in their life hateful bullies who aren’t very tolerant of any who defies their narrow world view and still become kind, caring adults. Some of this is an active choice on their part, seeing their parents and thinking “I don’t want to be like them” but some of it may simply be that they are naturally a kind, loving person, and it doesn’t take them much work at all to turn away from their upbringing. Likewise, someone could grow up with wonderful parents and a stable home life and turn out to be a mean, grumpy person. Again, some active choice there, but they also may just be grumpy.

Translating that to sexuality: You may have a horrible father, and your experiences of seeing an unhappy, strained marriage may guide your thoughts on what to implement in your own relationships, but that doesn’t mean that this made you asexual. No matter the upbringing, you would have been asexual, but how the role your sexuality takes in your relationships is an active choice on your part. Maybe if your parents had been kind and loving you would have been more adventurous and open to beginning new romantic relationships, but you would still have been asexual. Somethings in life are not a choice, and some things are. Sexuality is not a choice, the way you implement it in your life is. 

In regards to your question about a fictional character that you are thinking you might be attracted to, its perfectly normal to use fiction as a way to explore facets of yourself that you don’t feel comfortable enacting in real life. Fiction allows us to view ourselves many different ways without actually changing anything. Using fiction to view yourself as a delicate princess, as a motorcycle riding badass, as an emotionally distant hero, and as a fun-loving sidekick in turns allows us the opportunity to try on all these different hats to see which one fits the best before ever employing anything in real life. Using fiction to explore attraction, like what would make an ideal partner both in terms of aesthetic attraction and what you would want from a partner emotionally is totally normal. 

You can use fiction to explore any potential attraction you may have. Did you become invested in this character only after a long time? When the character showed many emotional moments on screen and you felt connected to them in that way? You may be demisexual or demiromantic, where attraction (either sexual or romantic) only forms after a close, emotional bond develops. Did they walk on screen and you instantly thought they were hot but would never go out with them until later? Maybe you’re demiromantic, but not demisexual. Did you think that you should be attracted to this character only after listening to several people online express their desire? It might be worth considering that you are asexual and attempting to force yourself to experience attraction in an attempt to feel normal.

In any case, the aromantic/asexual spectrum has a space for you however long you want it. If the aspec label makes you feel comfortable and happy right now, but later you learn something else is a better fit, great! We’re happy that you felt comfortable enough in our community to explore and learn about yourself. If you take up the aspec label and never let it go, awesome! The community welcomes you in with cake and hugs! It doesn’t matter about your upbringing or your process of self-discovery including some type of attraction, all that matters is that you are brave enough to explore a fundamental part of who you are, and that’s truly awesome! I hope this helped!